Why “All-or-Nothing” Thinking Keeps You Stuck (+ how to break the cycle)

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of parenting so far…

My 3-year-old was having biiiiig feelings, and those big feelings (plus a skipped nap) turned into unsafe behaviors and consequently, a lot of boundaries set and time spent in our "calm down corner". 

I was exhausted, overstimulated, and frustrated - for both of us.

So because I had an impossible day that I didn’t plan for, and had to make in-the-moment choices that didn’t feel amazing… I decided to quit parenting for the week and start over on Monday.

I’m kidding, obviously.

…but that’s exactly what we do with food, isn’t it?

The Cycle Most Women Don’t Realize They’re In

It usually starts with good intentions.

You want to feel better, have more energy, maybe lose a few pounds, so you decide to “get serious.”

And for awhile, it works! You’re doing everything right, until… life happens.

A busy day.
A schedule that falls apart.
A meal that doesn’t go as planned.

And suddenly, it feels like you’ve messed it up.

So instead of adjusting, you think, “I’ll just start over tomorrow” … or Monday… or next week.

And just like that, you’re stuck in the all-or-nothing thinking cycle:

restriction → disruption → guilt → restart.

Over and over again.

This pattern ^^ isn’t random, and you don’t struggle with it because you lack discipline.

It’s often the result of a few things working together:

1. You’ve been taught that there’s a “right” way to eat/live/have a body

Most weight loss messaging is very black and white:

• on track vs. off track

• good foods vs. bad foods

• success vs. failure

So when something doesn’t go “perfectly”, it feels like failure even when it’s just… normal life.

2. Perfection feels like control

When life feels busy, chaotic, or unpredictable, having a “perfect plan” can feel extremely grounding.

So when that plan gets disrupted, it’s not just about the food. It feels like you’re losing control of everything.

3. It gives you a clean slate (at least temporarily)

There’s something comforting about saying, “I’ll just start over tomorrow.”

It creates a sense of relief when we decide that the problem doesn’t need to be resolved today.

But the real problem is… you never actually learn how to navigate the messy middle (otherwise known as real life).

The Real Problem Isn’t the “Off” Day

It’s what happens after.

One imperfect meal? Total normal. One chaotic day? Also normal. But when that turns into a full day of “what’s the point”, or a week of “I’ll restart later”, that’s where progress stalls.

Not because you’re incapable, but because the approach you’re using doesn’t leave room for real life.

Imagine if you approached parenting this way…

Your child has a hard day.
They don’t listen.
They struggle to regulate.

And you think:

“Well… guess we’ll just stop parenting for the rest of the week.”

It sounds ridiculous, right?

Because you expect parenting to be messy. You expect off days. You expect to have to adjust in real time.

But with food?

We expect perfection, which is why anything less feels like failure.

How to Break the Cycle

1. Replace “I’ll start over” with “What’s my next best choice?”

This is one of the simplest and most powerful shifts you can make.

Instead of writing off the day, try asking: “what would support me next?”

That could look like:

• having a balanced meal

• adding protein or fiber

• going for a short walk

You don’t need a perfect reset. You just need an aligned next step.

2. Expect disruption (and plan for it)

Your life is not perfectly structured, nor does it need to be.

Instead of planning for ideal days, plan for real ones.

• Have go-to meals

• Keep easy options on hand

• Let “good enough” be enough

Because consistency doesn’t come from perfect days. It comes from navigating imperfect ones.

3. Zoom out

One meal doesn’t define your progress (it’s .01% of your month, assuming you eat 3X/day).

One day doesn’t define your progress (it’s .03% of your month, assuming there are 30 days in the month).

What matters is what you do most of the time.

When you zoom out, it becomes easier to stay grounded, make a reasonable next choice, and avoid the spiral.

4. Drop the “all or nothing” rules

If your plan only works when you do it perfectly… it’s not sustainable.

Give yourself more flexibility:

• meals don’t have to be perfect to count

• movement doesn’t have to be all or nothing

• progress doesn’t have to be linear

The women who see progress aren’t the ones who never have hard days, never go off plan, or always get it “right”.

They’re the ones who don’t quit when things don’t go as planned.

Despite wanting to, you probably wouldn’t quit parenting after a hard day.

You’d likely adjust, regroup, and keep showing up in the best ways you know how.

And your relationship with food deserves the same approach.

Because creating sustainable progress is never the result of all or nothing.

It’s the the result of showing up again, even - and especially after - hard, messy days.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “this is exactly what I do…”, you’re not alone.

And more importantly, this is something you can change.

Because breaking out of the all-or-nothing cycle isn’t about having more discipline… it’s about having the right support, structure, and strategies for your life, which is exactly what we work on inside my 1:1 coaching program.

Together, we focus on:

• building habits that actually fit your day-to-day life

• navigating the “off” days without spiraling

• and creating progress you can maintain—not just start over from

If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the same cycle and ready to approach this differently, I’d love to support you.